Talked to my best friend. We're ending our friendship. The final conversation was calm and about as clear as we're going to get on the issue. I'm not here to bash my her. I don't think poorly of her, but I wish she would take accountability for what she does, or fails to do, in order to move forward in our friendship. She won't do it. She doubled down with some unknown mental illness she can't explain to me and doesn't know how to try because "I'll just think she's using it as a crutch". If I am honest, I find that a load of BS, not that she may have been diagnosed with something other than what I have previously known of her, but the idea that she has some illness that I couldn't understand (she can't even tell me what its called?) or even if its just a set of symptoms, I find it very difficult to believe it takes away her accountability for her words or actions.

Just to be clear, as someone who also deals with mental health issues, I'm not oblivious to how mental health affects people. I am a firm believer that mental illness manifests in different ways and people cope and deal and adapt in a way uniquely their own. Therefore I am not trying to compare what literally may seem like apples and oranges. However there are underlying themes and symptoms that make it relatable. I'm not asking for an apology out of context. I have on many occasions apologized for my actions. When I am depressed I shut down and I disappear, I've literally left my friend in question a nervous wreck not knowing if I was ok because I couldn't muster the strength to even be around people or pick up a phone. The situation is what it is, it's not mean-spirited or an attempt to hurt anyone. But in the end, I left people upset and scared. When I dip out, I do feel bad because I've neglected those I've cared about. A man with anger issues shoots someone, damage was still done. It's not pardonable simply because its a scenario different than what most experience.


I'm not saying she doesn't care, but I am saying she refuses to believe in becoming more than it. I explained to her I can't accept her not taking responsibility because in my experience, we get stuck in a cycle and unless we make a path forward to try to break it, it doesn't stop and the same actions continue and the same people get hurt. I reached out even further, and explained maybe this new issue she has is just very new and she hasn't learned how to manage it through just to get through the day. I can give her time and space to do that, but I can't accept it until she can accepts her actions are her own. I wasn't expecting a total 180 overnight or even periods where space and time are needed... but unless she held herself accountable for her, I couldn't continue.

She's not willing to do that, so it is what it is.

The issue has progressed over a year, and is just to the point where I don't think there's benefit anymore. Just to give you an idea of what this is all about anyway, we live in different states and we aren't physically around each other much but we've always tried to stay in communication and spend time together. Naturally thats waned some in the last 3 years she's been gone, and the 10002929 things life throws at us that make any random moment a bit more difficult to connect -- there's all that. There's a natural sense of separation. But she doesn't reach out, and she ignores my messages when I do. She'll answer maybe one in 10, if I'm lucky. If I do get her attention and say we video chat the entire time she's playing a game in the background or texting someone else. I find those things rather hurtful because it's like she's putting in no effort for the friendship. I would like to see that change.


"I have depression and anxiety and you don't understand the **** I'm going through. I ignore everyone, it's not just you. You can't be a real friend if you don't understand that. "blah blah blah. -- it's that stuff I can't handle. Why not just say things, with context, for what they are. "I've not been the greatest friend. I'm under a lot of stress and my mental health struggles are getting the better of me. I feel distracted a lot and I've not been there for you. I'm sorry." -- at least thats closer to the factual truth than demeaning me for not accepting you have mental health issues that don't make you culpable for what you do.

That said -- she was my best friend and I love and care about her. This isn't an attack on her. I really do hope she figures her stuff out to a point where she feels in control again, I really do. I wish her the best and I wish for her to find peace. I know how hard it is to struggle -- we all have been there. So, keep her in your thoughts for me if you will. I want the best for her, but to protect myself -- I have to take a back burner.

I said my say to her, and she's said hers. It's what it is, and I stand where I stand.