Celibacy is hard right now. I miss intimacy. I miss kissing. And I miss sex. What sucks is that I miss these things with HIM. And I am disgusted with myself over it. But he's my last point of reference and for the last three years. I miss being held. He used to hold me tight at night and wrap himself around me, kissing me sweetly. I miss that.

This really blows. I hate that I miss him when I also despise and detest him. It's really only the sexual intimacy now that I miss.