So it’s been about 2 months since my last post on this thread. I find myself literally numb to the face most of the time. My heart has grown harder and I no longer feel like I can ever be in love with her again. I love her as a person and do not want her unhappy the rest of her life, but I think that’s the extent of my feelings right now. I never make love or have sex with her. Never turned on. Never care to touch or kiss really. I am afraid of growing old alone though. I wonder if it’s better to have a “best friend” I live with who’s not like a lover, or to be alone the rest of my life? I feel like I have three options:

* Stay in an unhappy marriage because I have company.
* Be alone the rest of my life
* Get busy dying

I never could imagine I would one day be in this position. Give my whole self and life to one person just to be torn apart so horribly. I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. I feel like such a worthless loser. I gave everything... 😭