I got divorced in 2014 and today in 2021 I am not much better than I was the first year. My marriage was 25 years, 5 of dating and he was my first boyfriend. I never really had that mad love for him but married him mainly because he liked me. Over the years he lost job after job and broke so many promises I lost count. I asked for the separation, he met someone 2 months later and asked for the divorce. He was married within a year. And even though my marriage was not great it was comfortable and was all I had known. When I got divorced I felt like you do when your a child and spend the night at a friends. But when the evening comes you want to go home and you can. In divorce there is no home to go back to and the feeling stayed with me for years. I would have gladly taken my marriage back over the pain and shame of divorce. After all I initiated the separation so the shame and self pity I felt was overwhelming. I relapsed from sobriety and drank constantly. i was taken advantage of by men because I put myself in situations while drunk. The shame of who I had become made me suicidal. The only reason I never acted on it is because I have 2 young adult children. I did see a therapist in the beginning but I couldn’t absorb because I was too consumed with depression and shame. I have tried to fill this gaping hole with men, alcohol, and weed. None of it works. And i sit here 7 years later only slightly better than I was those first years. I write all this to say “do not do what I did.” I barely lived through it. I just googled divorce help last night and found this forum. I believe I am finally ready for the solution whatever that is. I hope to find it in these posts. I am back in sobriety although recently. I feel better just having written all this. Thanks “Plea for help”