I've never been in this situation before, so it's all new to me and I am finding my way through the dark, so to speak.

I had a nice conversation with him over the phone last Wednesday evening about my new job. I shared with him details about the position and my excitement and enthusiasm. I did not share any of the salary information, but I did talk to him for a little while.

It was so hard that night to be sitting home alone, celebrating my success by myself. I wanted to share it with him, the person with whom I have shared my life over the last three years, including all of my job woes and stresses.

And now, as a result of that conversation we are on better speaking terms, but he is interpreting it as a way back in. He bought me congratulatory flowers the next night and left them for me in my apartment. I wasn't present for him to actually hand them to me or give them to me in person. I am still trying to maintain some semblance of boundaries.

I suppose it's not a terrible thing if we are on better speaking terms. My rage over his infidelity has subsided considerably, but I do get angry whenever I feel he is trying to manipulate me. And I know that the flowers and all the niceties he is extending right now are all a part of the manipulation or his hoovering.

This is really freaking hard to figure out. It's hard to maintain a tough and firm stance with him of only discussing apartment, divorce or moving details.

I guess it's just not so black and white and there's some grey areas here, which makes sense since emotions can be contradictory and complex and since I have a myriad of emotions swirling around.