Thank you all soo much.

It's been a week now since I found out. I have had more time to process what happened. I have been quiet on this thread, just processing the situation and his death.

I sooooooo now wish that he and I had made up before he decided to end his life. I wish we could have talked again. I wish maybe that I could have helped him somehow. I had hoped to be a positive influence on his life.

When we were together, I played the role of savior for him in his life. He used to call me his Angel.

I saved him from homelessness, not once but twice. I took him in the first time and I took care of him financially and in every other way. I swooped in once his family kicked him out of the home. I was so in love at the time, I felt compelled to help him.

But as soon as we lived together, I learned what trouble he was really in. He was not all together there. He couldn't get his life together, quite sadly and tragically. I learned of his alcohol and drug addiction. I learned that he was an abusive alcoholic. He created tons of drama and stress for me, and lots of raging fights whenever he drank.

Plus, he was dragging his heels on getting a job, and I learned he was lying to me all the time and doing drugs behind my back. After a few short months, I kicked him out of the apartment, and he became homeless again. I couldn't take anymore.

So he wandered the streets and lived on the streets for one month. Then immense guilt set in, so I bought him a bus ticket home and I convinced his grandmother to allow him back into their home. After I had kicked him out, his own family didn't want him back and didn't want to help him. They allowed him to be homeless. It took an hour on the phone to convince his grandmother to take him back in.

Once he got back home, I held onto the relationship for another month or so long distance and then we finally broke up for good.

We did not speak for the next four years, except for a few bitter and angry emails.

He had hurt me terribly during the final breakup. He told me he had loved his other ex fiance more than me when we finally ended the relationship. I was completely devastated. I had done everything for this man, and I had practically given him the shirt off my back to help him. Hearing those most cruel words shattered my heart into a gazillion pieces. I had loved him very much - when we were long distance at least. When he lived with me, I mainly felt stressed.

So that's more of the story of my ex fiance.

I just wrote to a woman who helped him after I had kicked him out. She was our neighbor, and he befriended her when he was homeless. I just wrote to her to inform her. I hope it was the right thing to do. I thought she should know of his death. She helped him back then, and I was grateful that he had made a friend who could help.

I mainly now just feel sadness and wish we could have made peace before he ended his life.