I’ve been laying in bed for most of the day. From 1-4 I wrapped up in blankets and just listened to music. I got up to eat some leftovers and then decided to watch a few episodes of a sitcom to lighten my mood. Dragged myself to the shower so I look presentable for work tomorrow. Now I’m back to bed.

I’m very depressed, but it’s personal, not bipolar related. If I don’t do what I need to do it will likely devolve into an episode. I just really, really, really don’t want to do what I need to do. I want to pull the covers over my eyes and forget about it. But I guess that doesn’t work for trauma, now does it?

I’ll be down during the drive to work tomorrow but since I enjoy my job it’ll serve as a good distraction. Unfortunately my old student will be in class and he has the tendency to word vomit until someone cuts him off and then he resorts to his usual repertoire of curses and wild threats. I’m so thankful they moved me from him. At first I felt sorry for him but he’s proved that he is far from the damaged boy I related to. He’s definitely disturbed but it is more towards the end of a sociopath. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with his behavior. It’s everyone else’s fault. We make him act this way. It’s hard to help someone who doesn’t think anything is wrong.

My girl now is a spitfire for sure but she’s also incredibly funny and sweet when she wants to be. We have a good rapport. She listens to me reluctantly when I tell her she needs to fix her work or needs to stop being rude to the teacher or her classmates. Takes a couple of tries and I imagine she’s rolling her eyes at home but hey, definitely not the worst I’ve dealt with.

I really want to cancel my therapy session because she’ll know something is wrong and I don’t want to talk about it. But it’s just getting worse so I have to say something eventually.

Tired of playing mental health whack a mole, really I am.