You are in distress & should see a professional. At this point let the specialist do the diagnosing; that is his/her job. But you are having difficulties with feeling hopeless to such a point that you think of hurting yourself & that needs to be addressed.

If by chance you are dxed as bipolar, again the specialist will be the one to give you the proper advice on treatment options. Self-diagnosing can be misleading, but do honestly tell the doc all the things that have been going on in your life & your thoughts & emotions, even the ones that seem embarrassing or irrational or the things you don't want to admit (like maybe abusing drugs or alcohol), etc. He/she has heard everything, I can guarantee that so nothing will be shocking or make him/her think badly of you. All the info. will just be helpful in making a dx.

I had a lot of paranoia when I went for my intake & was abusing alcohol so I had to admit all of that (which my husband didn't even know), but you have to do it. It's confidential & if you want to be helped honesty is the way to go.

Good luck & take care.--Suzy