Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags
My dear friend is currently in the hospital and had a catheterization done to check for any cardiac damage she might have had, if she'd had a heart attack. Turns out that no, she hasn't had a heart attack. What she does have is liver damage due to sitting up alone every night and drinking.
I'm angry. I should be compassionate, but I don't feel as much compassion as I do annoyance. For many years C. has told me that she has health problems...high blood pressure, "some kind of heart problem", she often doesn't feel well, is frequently anxious and depressed. I have encouraged her repeatedly to go to the doctor more often, get on an AD, get into therapy. She hedges and avoids, tells me she's terrified to go to the doctor. I've worried about her so much.
Now I find out that she has liver damage from being an alcoholic. I feel betrayed and like a fool. All this time she's been lying to me. I've wondered why she calls me late at night (I never answer at that time); well, now I know - she's drunk. She leaves long, rambling messages crying that she misses me, and so on.
I feel foolish and used.
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I'm sorry your friend reached the point of liver damage. I also understand your frustration about her lies. I understand the position you are in. I was in similar with my father, but my siblings and I did see the writing clearly on the wall after some time. Yet our dad would seemingly foolishly deny his alcohol abuse/dependence.
I do have some mercy on those with substance abuse. It is not at all different than many issues affecting us with bipolar illness. Just as we must apologize for actions done as a result of the illness, obviously so must people with substance abuse. However, it can be difficult to want to apologize when we, with mental illness, feel the victim, ourselves and may be in such an overwhelmed position that any additional pressure/pain is beyond handling. It is clearly a sad fact that the hurt and pain affects many, but when a loved one or friend is down, it may be best to not beat them down even further.
I totally get if you need to stay away from your friend for awhile. It can sometimes be the best, for all parties involved, during the start of recovery journeys.