I've been there, mate. Not the details, but the monster part. If we don't deal with it, we just go about hurting others one way or the other. If we do deal with it, we become disoriented shells of ourselves. I'm not sure how much advice I have to offer, I do not trust myself with relationships. I can never admit to who I was, it would just drive people away. So I can never truly let go with anyone, never be entirely myself with all I am and was.

I can only offer my sympathies and my encouragement to make amends. Not with the people you have hurt, it's best to leave them be, but with yourself, so that one day you may be able to look yourself streight in the eyes, accept who you were and like who you are. And one day, maybe, you and I will be able to have a healthy, lasting relationship with someone.