Well, considering what you shared you had to create your own coat of armor. And it's that maintaining your sense of control so you never have to experience how you could not control how others bullied you and the inadequate feeling you experienced from that. I suspect that your sense of "positive" feed comes from out doing anyone you percieve as those who attacked your sense of self worth. That would not include anyone that is capable of being hurt like you were.

There is a spectrum when it comes to narcissism and those that are npd are only interested in power and look to see whatever can be their own idea of a win. So, it's typically all transactional and it's easier if things can be considered objects as that tends to reduce emotional stress. I have seen a lot of that in the competitive horse world where what matters most is performance and the win.