I am a 31 year old married women with three kids. I grew up like most people, divorced parents and step siblings, ect...Recently, My 20 year old step sister popped the news that she was getting married in July. I was happy for her. My father was excited and could not stop talking about the wedding and all the planning and such. It struck a nerve in me because 5 years ago when I was getting married my father refused to walk me down the isle because he didn't like my husband. Now I find out that he will be walking my step-sister down the isle and it's not even his kid. I'm extremely hurt by this and angry. It has stirred up other feeling with in me and other memories that I have tried to supress since my teenage years. I had a horrible childhood. I was very lonley and didn;t have a good relationship with my parents. I ran away once and when I got home my father told me that since I didn't appreciate that he has done for me that i would have nothing and I would have to work for everything. Well, this meant that he took my bedroom away, my belongings, my clothes, my own identity as a teenager. I made me sleep on an enclosed porch with no heat. Just a matress on the ground with a blanket and pillow. Every morning before school he would pick my clothes out and dictate what I would be wearing. I guess all of this was punishment for running away and for him to teach me a lesson. I felt like a dog, literally. I wasn't even good enough to sleep in the house with the rest of the family. I felt so alone, disgusted and worthless. It doesnt stop there. Not only do my father and I share the same genetic's we also share the same birthday. On my 16th birthday, which is supposed to be a special one, my step mother took him out to dinner andleft me all alone by myself. He told me it was because my mother was supposed to pick me up that weekend and she backed out at the last minute. What I don't understand is that, if my mother backed out, why didn't my dad include me in his plans knowing that I would be left alone on our birthday. Again, I felt more alone then ever. My father had a strict rule in the house that if you didn't eat at dinner time then you didn't eat at all. I hated eating with the family as they would not even talk to me. They treated me like an outsider. So, I would forfeit dinner and sneak food late at night when they were all asleep. My step mother came down one night as I was sneaking food and told my father what I had done. They took the food away from em and sent me back out to the unheated porch and scolded me for having the audacity to sneak "their" food. Finally after 2 years and 3 months of this I went back to live with my mother. It was better with her. I had a warm bed, warm meals and a loving arms to hold me when I was sad. I never explained to my mother the horrible things that took place at my dad's because I was embarressed and ashamed of myself and the way I was treated. I could never tell anyone. And I never did until I told my sister just a few years ago. I didnt really maintain a relationship with my father after that time until a few years ago. I guess since I was an adult and didnt have to live inhis home that I felt safe from his punishments. Now that this whole weeding thing has come up, it brings back so many bad memories for me of all the horrible things that he did to me and the pain that i endured for so long. I wanted him to walk me down the isle at my wedding and he refused. But now, he wants to walk my step-sister down the isle. She is not even his kid. He is even bragging about it. I feel like this is such a slap in the face I can't even bare to think about it. But for some strange reason, I can't let go of him. I love him and I don't know why. It seems as though he never loved me. So why do I put myself inthis position to be hurt. WHY CAN'T I SEVER THE TIES? I don't understand what's wrong with me. You would think that someone who has delt with this kind of abuse would be stronger and remove myself from the situation....but I can't. I just can't. I don't know what to do. Help..........