i can relate to what you're writing. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about contacting a professional if you feel like it is necessary and/or want to find out more. We can't diagnose here. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Maple21, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?! .grouphug: