MisterPaul, I'm CPTSD, but the things you've said really remind me of the sub-personalty I've used in the past.

It takes over when I'm at my most desperate.

This is not the same as Dissociative Identity Disorder, as I remain in charge (and don't 'lose time', etc).

This sub-personality doesn't care about anything! She's extremely tough, and has started arguments with complete strangers, been incredibly rude to people she thinks are taking advantage, publicly confronted a man who kept staring at us (not just shouting at the guy, but also striding up and down in front of him afterwards, to compound his humiliation), and so on.

I used to love her, as she saved my life during some life-threateningly difficult times. These things do have a place, or we wouldn't create them.

But I can see now that I/she wasn't really being strong. The existence of a sub-personality means we have some vital part of our own personality missing. In my case, I wasn't able to express anger. I wonder if something similar is happening with you?