I got my second Covid vaccine (moderna) about three hours ago. Holy **** my arm hurts. My arm was a little sore after the first one but damn I can’t even lift it now. I’m not worried though. I took some Advil and hopefully that helps. I’ve read people generally feel a little crappier the second dose but they are all fine by 24 hours. I’m just happy I was considered a front line worker even though I also feel like I really don’t deserve it because I work at the school not the hospital. But I figured if I didn’t do it I wouldn’t be able to get one til who knows when - and I’m right. My SIL who has congestive heart failure, asthma, and is super obese (but she’s already lost 85 pounds and keeps going!) can’t get one until may 31. I have obesity but that’s it and I would have had to wait for the general population which could be months if not another year. So I do feel bad but it eases my anxiety, about that at least.

I totally chickened out and did not tell my therapist a damn thing. Just chatted about the house and things. I’m not as depressed today so she didn’t think I was hiding something. I know I’ll be fine until I’m triggered again and I’ll be back in the same position. That could happen tonight for all I know.

I ordered a cheap little aromatherapy necklace to help me. I can put a few drops of essential oil on the little lava stone inside and I can smell it when I’m anxious. It’s pretty and unobtrusive. Strong smells sometimes calm me down.

Here I go sticking my head in the sand again. Eventually it’ll be too much.