I just wrote this to my Grandma on my dad's side that I talk to via email quite often. Thought it may give more insight into my situation:

She makes it out to be a BAD thing to have one's "own life".

Before Mark and I dated I dated a guy named James that I had went to high school with. We were old buddies. He had his children every other week and he lived with me for about a year. His kids, given, were heathens......LOL....but nonetheless cute at times and very, very loving.
My mom had a "problem" with him after I went off on her one time and asked her WHEN it was going to be my time to have a life. She did not speak to me for about 2 months and would not let my brother come to my house. After that she HATED James and eventually was a big PART of why we split. She blamed him for what I said to her.

What really pisses me off is her threats of suicide in front of my brother. It's an act out. She tried it one time in front of me when I was about 12 or 13 I think. Can't remember. Life at that age was such a blur for me. I certainly don't see my childhood as perfect but NOBODY has a peaches and cream childhood. It's over - move on. Her claim is that her mother was so screwed up, that's why she's screwed up - HA! So does that mean I have yet to be screwed up! Mom's deal is her childhood screw up is her end all and be all of her existence.

Mom does have definite physical disorders but, what is a bigger problem is her psychological health. She is VERY good at guilt trips and manipulation. I had given the cash box to Mark after she took most all of the money out of it so he could put it in the safe at the store and put money in it as people bought cakes or donated. He made me PROMISE last night when he told me this not to tell her but, she came in his STORE CRYING and SOBBING about the $16.00 she needed out of the box to get her cigarettes. I had told her just to buy a pack for now and I would get the money for her to get a carton. When I got home I called her and asked her to send Rhett down to get my debit card and she could use it to get a carton of cigs. Her response was, "I don't need it, I went down and got my money." Fine. All Mark said to me was, "She sure is good at giving guilt trips, isn't she?" And I thought DEAR GOD - somebody else sees it besides me? WOW. I won't tell her because then she will hate him too...just my luck he would clean up and be a good man and then she would "hate" him. I try real hard not to rock any boats.

Oh and speaking of another thing. (I may print these emails I am sending you for my therapist). Quick to look a gift-horse in the mouth. Before Mark and I split months ago.......he had bought her shocks for her truck (mind you out of his own pocket). He still had them when we reconciled as friends and he told me to let her know and he would put them on. NOW - mom had to go down there and "inspect" the shocks and she told him they were no good because they were not the heavy duty ones she WANTED. Now heres the thing - these are from NAPA - where Mark used to work so, guess what? He cannot return them. Such is life. Things like that happen all the time.

Sometimes I feel like nothing is good enough for her. I could drain my bank account and give it all to her. Would it make her happy - no? Maybe for a short period until she blew through that money (which is not much either) then she would be back to nagging. One minute it is the place she lives is so "screwed up", people are so "screwed up", society is "screwed up", everything in her eyes is "screwed up". Well, ya know, you're probably right but jeez - what the heck are ya gonna do? Oh yeah, and the world is out too get her too. Everything is a "conspiracy" directly affecting her.