So Sorry that you're struggling. Unfortunately lockdowns all around the world are putting a LOT of people in a tough spot so you're definitely not alone in this. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about finding as many distractions as you possibly can and reaching out to Loved Ones or your therapists/doctors or your social workers or your Friends or even here. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Marylin, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!