I have been having new dreams for the last 8 or so months. My dreams become a followup to something I saw or heard on the computer or in my life. These dreams happen when I am not in a deep sleep. I will sometimes reach for something that is in my dream and that movement will wake me up. Also I have to think hard to know what is a dream and what was real. It bothers me to feel like i am without substance. Like i am creating a memories from nothing that is real. I don't feel like i am grounded. I feel like i could leave life at any time. I don't know how to feel grounded again. I am not able to work, which used to help. Part of me wants to slide back into the chain but another part wants to stay free. Its just scary free without a concrete direction. I am not certain who i am. which self i am at this time. I used to know who I was most of the time and others would help us to know this. But now without a direction, a focus I don't know why I stay. I know I can go anytime. and my sister is my reason for staying. but even that is slipping away. it makes me feel like a coward to think i can leave when i want. i love my family, myself and earth. I know once i go i will not have another experience like this. but the emotional pain of loving someone, loseing someone and watching someone lose themselves is breaking me down.