I’d say it’s likely to be an attachment issue as well, at least in part - I have stalked people I’ve had crushes on before, and I have attachment issues/possibly also unmet childhood needs. I know it’s a terrible thing to do now, thinking about it mortifies me but wasn’t thinking of their feelings at the time. I understand why you’re nervous about being judged for it, but it is good that you’re asking why you do it and seeking to understand yourself better.