I want to update this. As of yesterday he finally said that when I disclosed all my feelings to him he threw walls up because all his training told him these feelings and attachments are wrong and harmful. He started training in IFS and even found a IFS therapist for himself. (I came from an IFS therapist before him and talked about it a lot). Since he started the training he learned that it was his own parts that got triggered and he wants to start to explore my parts that have these feelings for him.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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