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Oneday -- It took a lot of courage for you to respond to IG as you did, yet with tact. I hope I will do as well. I also have noticed this pattern of IG to brush off compliments; in essence, telling the other person, "you lie." There also are times when I've noticed statements about the Forums that let us all know that we don't measure up to IG's expectations of how people should behave to him -- sometimes subtle statements -- what my mother used to call the "snide remark."

I've been reading this thread with great interest, and absorbing what's being said.

I think that to some extent I have to earn my positive self-image. When I behave consistently with the things I say that I value, I feel better about myself. One of the things that I have been learning over the past two years is to show myself the same compassion and understanding that I might show to others. So that when my inner crab-apple voices tell me I'm not good enough, I can offer myself a bit of self-love and understanding.

It's not been easy and I have a long path to walk. The useful thing about this approach is that in being gentle with myself, in learning to have mercy and compassion even for myself -- it takes my attention away from focusing on what I did wrong and puts my attention on developing positive qualities that I value. In other words, instead of getting into a thought-feeling loop about "I'm clumsy, I'm stupid" etc. -- I now put my attention on: "How would I behave if another person made this error? How can I show myself the compassion that I would want to show someone else?"

Or at least -- I move my attention toward compassion, as much as I am able to in any given situation, on any day. But I make an effort -- and reminders from my Forums friends not to indulge my bleak, distorted thoughts help me to do so.

I start to give myself kind messages that I would give to someone else -- "It's okay. It's just a thing that you broke. You can apologize to this person and make things right. You will learn from this and do better."

So then, in that moment, instead of being in self-negation, I am in the practice of compassion toward myself. I may even do something kind for myself then.

If I cannot practice compassion toward myself, can I ever practice it toward others? Or is outward compassion that I can't give myself just a "mask" I wear or role I play?

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I'm sorry but this entire response really upsets me for a few different reasons. I've hesitated to say this but I felt I had to. I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you with my comments.