Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie
Yes he is different. He is softer is the way I can subscribe it. I flat out asked him if he was afraid of me. Obviously he said no. Now if he only knew how much I internet stalk him he might change that answer. He still does not get how attached I am to him. I think he does not get it because he can not believe someone is so attached to him. I said I could not believe that as a trauma therapist he never had a client that attached to him. He said it was because that was never on his radar and did not recognize it and you betcha he will be looking out for that from now on. I did want to ask him if he ever have clients just ghost him because that is a sign they were overwhelmed with their feelings for him and could not handle the shame or would leave before being left as that is easier to deal with.
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This is really interesting to me because it sounds very much like my T. Mine has said a couple times that he feels I give too much thought to therapy and to him. That it should be less important to me. And that has hurt me anytime he says it. From what he's said, he means that he wants me to be focusing on my outside life rather than therapy--particularly, rather than him. But it's difficult for me not to be focused on him in some way.
He also has seemed puzzled that I'm so curious about him as a person and that I care about him as much as I do. At least now he seems touched by it rather than freaked out. But I share so much of myself with him. Isn't it natural that I'd be curious about him and his life as well? What's weird is that since the pandemic, he seems to share so many more random things about himself and his home life. I mean, before, he wouldn't even answer questions about what pets he has, and now I've seen both his dog and cat on camera. And I'll say how H and I have really struggled with what to make for dinner lately (one of the least of our problems, but still) and he said how he and his wife struggle with that as well, then went on to talk about some recipes he makes regularly.
Anyway, back to your comment about how you can't believe he hasn't had someone so attached to him. My T once said how I probably thought about him more than most (or many any) other clients. And I said how maybe some clients did think about him that much, but they just didn't tell him. (And the way he reacted to me telling him at first, probably best they didn't!).
I think they just don't get how important they can be in clients' lives. But I don't understand how they don't get that? The client is spilling their deepest secrets to them. It's a very intimate relationship in many ways. It seems natural that at least some clients would be curious about the therapist, would think about them often, etc. It's not like they're a car mechanic or something.
You made a good point on the ghosting though. My T has mentioned how some clients have just canceled their next appointment then never come back. And I wonder if sometimes it was for that reason, that they were overwhelmed with feelings and maybe were hurt if they tried to talk about them before with him, so they figured was safest just to leave?