Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I don’t always understand when people say they have high expectations of people but then they choose bad partners to be with (and we all did that in life). I’d say it is probably rather low expectation of people.
You having bad tempter or being difficult doesn’t explain or excuse bad treatment of you. It could probably explain if people didn’t want to stick around but not why they would mistreat you. Your partner or maybe he is an ex, which would be good news, treated you badly. I suspect it’s nothing to do with your temper. If it was an issue it would be acceptable for him to leave, but not mistreat you. And if you had high expectations of people you’d not end up with him at all
You likely gravitate towards unhealthy patterns because they are subconsciously familiar to you because of your family of origin. But you could try to get out of this cycle. Have you tried looking for people with similar interests, hobbies? Join social groups (not during pandemics but some might be online), using some type of matchmaking? Are you seeing a therapist?
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Of course, noone deserves to be mistreat. This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid myself. The fact that I can mistreat others (even when it may be not on purpose, it’s not an excuse for me). I would hate myself if I hurt another person. But, I do it and I have done it.
Feel like if it was a counterattack. I feel attacked, in my mind, because most of the time, it’s only in my mind - there’s no such an attack, maybe it’s a neutral remark and there’re insecurities and fears inside that trigger a bad interpretation, and I react, as defending myself.
I saw them as giants when there are only windmills.
I don’t want to look at the past. Only want to focus on the present and what I can do to better my interaction with people. Of course, I’m not gonna cope with abuse. I only want to do what it’s in my hands to be a better person, eventually, a happier person.
And yes, apart from working on my own, I’m thinking about giving to therapy another go. And in spite of my social anxiety, I’m more open than ever to look for like-minded people.
I’m working on the STOP technique 24/7 now and I have the support in this sense from a good online friend.
Yesterday I failed badly in the technique but today I got to score a goal and still I’m attentive to any red light that could make me undone the path I already walked.
I do agree completely with you about what you said about abuse. I’m very much concerned about this situation and perhaps, it’s one of these few big topics that makes me even forget about my social anxiety and I play an active role in.
P.S.: Having higher expectations wouldn’t suit bad to me, either. At this point in time.