I surmise that your mom has ALWAYS been very good at manipulation and guilt tripping...and it's now that you are healing and becoming your own person that you realize just how good at it she is.

You appear to be at the "in between" place of knowing what is best for yourself vs what is truly best for your mom. The guilt and manipulation is what is keeping you from putting your foot down, and indeed, making sure of what your actions are. You'll get there. You're making very good points on your own behalf.

Adult parents, aging adult parents especially, have made their own decisions in life. It isn't fair of them to expect their children to suffer the consequences for their bad decisions. I hope you can find your own path and comfort in this. We all have to respect/honor our parents if for nothing else than because of our genetics. But honoring doesn't mean kowtowing to their every (sometimes disordered) request. It's ok to say no.