Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I understand why that response was unsatisfying for you. But I actually feel like it's better, because it's realistic. Ex-MC said at one point that he'd never abandon me and never reject me (or something to that effect). He technically didn't abandon me, but he changed the boundaries of the relationship, and it certainly felt like rejection. So it hurt more that he promised that, then didn't follow through.
With current T, he'll say things like he has no plans or intentions to go anywhere. But there's always a chance something could happen (say, his dying unexpectedly or having to move to be near his wife's relative or something, though he assured me he had no current plans to do anything like that). And he's said that he would never just drop me as a client unless I did something really awful (like physically threatening him), that we would always try to work through any conflict that came up. And in a way, I actually appreciate that more, because he's not making any promises he knows he might not be able to keep. It makes me trust him more.
So I think that's probably what your T is trying to do, to avoid making a promise she doesn't know she'll be able to keep.
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This is such a good thing to post! There is so much pain and agony surrounding transference and boundaries. The truth is that the therapeutic relationship has to be realistic for both parties. Clients ask, and Ts overpromise, then pull back claiming self-care. It is unrealistic for us to think that Ts can heal our wounds, fully-understand our pain, and be there for us when we want and how we want. I know that sounds harsh but the expectations around therapy are so easily distorted because we often are not given the rules up front or they get changed in the process.
It is a bit concerning that T now wants to do IFS after his short-stint. I tried brain-spotting with a T who trained in that area. It became the cure-all answer for everything. Suddenly brain-spotting could cure everything from disassociation to practically the common cold. IFS did wonders for me but partly because I had a T who used it for awhile.