Depression has been dogging me bad for days now. I'm sleeping too much. When awake, I'm just in my recliner in front of the TV. Back in mid-Sept, I recovered from a rough summer during which I was in grief over my significant other dying of cancer. Then, from mid-Sept to New Years, I was doing really well. I actually enjoyed the holidays. However, once they were over and the pretty decorations taken down, I went into a funk. All through January, I've been down. Today I'm desperate to get back how I was all through the fall.

I'm spending way too much time home alone in my apartment. My dilemma is this - I want to get out and connect with the world, but I'm terrified of COVID. We're all facing the same dilemma. I'ld love to know how others decide how much risk to take. I basically just leave home to go to Walmart, Sam's Club or Costco. That's it! That's also the only exercise I get - walking around the stores. It's not enough.

I used to have coffee with my neighbor who lives alone, but I'm afraid of doing that anymore. Another friend of mine used to stop over my place for visits to chat, but I've discouraged her doing that anymore. I guess that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I watched my boyfriend, who had lung cancer, die of respiratory failure. I watched him lose his battle to breathe. It's a bad way to go. At the very end, it was awful. So COVID terrifies me. Not being able to breathe terrifies me.

In trying to stay safe from COVID, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my mind. I want to get out of the house and go have dinner somewhere. I want to go to a nearby gym and exercise. I want to do something fun with a friend. I want life to be more normal. I want to invite company over. In all of this, I'm far from alone. You all must be getting sick of this new way of living. What risks do you take, if you take any? How do you decide what you will, or won't, do?

I was doing so good up until Jan. Now I'm in a downward spiral. It feels miserable.