I’m guessing that my T is blissfully oblivious to the pain I feel at the ending of my therapy. I have imagined that if, when we die, we are able to see any pain that we have caused to other people in our lives, then she would see it. I would like that to happen as I want her to know it, and see and own her part in it. I want her to be shocked and horrified and remorseful. Actually I want her to know her part in it now and feel that now and make amends to me now. But I suppose if that process were to happen on our death, then I would also see that I had caused pain to a lot of people in the course of my life. I’ve trawled mentally (and remorsefully) through my life guessing who those people might have been. That thought has made me feel a bit better for some reason. Maybe it’s the reflection that we are all fallible humans bumbling our way through life.