Does anyone else get this?

This is NOT how I actually feel but my thoughts keep reverting back to this idea. I find myself feeling others are "ungrateful" for me being alive which is not something I actually think but just feel. I know it isn't true and is very self-centered. But I think if I told them my plans they would act differently (this isn't bad, it's normal). I am at the point where I resent everyone, myself most of all.

It is as though my soul is already gone and I am frustrated that they don't care. I am physically alive, how would they know? I seem functional. Sometimes I want to act the way I feel but there's no time for that and I am gone from reality. And it is not their responsibility. I've been in treatment for years but feel like I am still emotionally twelve and I have no access to memories. Also I don't want others to be sad if I go I want them to move on because I suffer every day and need a break but am too functional on the outside for a break. This is not a letter I am just posting to see if you guys feel the same ever thanks.