I'm sorry things are so hard I have also found that it is difficult for others (''normal'' people) to understand, and they say the most unhelpful things sometimes.... and at times even if supposedly trying to be supportive It does not help with the intrusive and sub optimal thoughts, or with anything else either. I think you said you are currently in treatment (?) I was wondering if you could bring these thoughts up with your provider(s). Maybe write some of the thoughts down and transmit them that way (I have sometimes found that more helpful with some providers)

I understand if not (I have not always found providers irl to be completely trustworthy... but I live in a different forest to many on these forums where imho things are more primitive) Thanks for posting. I hope things improve for you (there is always hope even if things currently feel otherwise)