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I know that my friend is lying to herself about her alcoholism, but it feels like she's been lying to me - for many years. Telling me she has this and that health problem, and me wondering why? This friendship is 53 years old! We grew up next door to each other; we were as close as sisters. In my mind I am seeing the tie between us stretch thin. I have to relax and let go, prepare myself, because one of these days she might very well drink herself to death. And ambulances won't keep coming out to pick up a habitual substance user. Eventually, they can opt out.
As for the moment, it's a gorgeous day, sunny and bright. I need to take a walk and dread doing so. I know it will be tiring. My foolish thought is that people are judging me along the way...Why doesn't she walk faster...Why doesn't she lose weight...Why is she wearing that color...? It really is ridiculous to make myself the center of some neighbor's attention. Ridiculous. I'm so tempted to do stretches and ride my stationary bike, yet the walking is so important.
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