I'm so sorry for all you went through as a child, Que Sera Sera.

I also did not have a good role model in how to be a mother (loving, generous, and kind... no to all of those in how I was treated ) I remember when I was 4 a game I used to play with a doll

I did not learn in that ''family'' that ''house'' is a game of attachment and relationships

I am not sure who was so violent with me when I was that young as I was raised by a string of au pairs. I do remember one of them being violent and abusive.

Hugs and respect to all