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Originally Posted by bpcyclist
Been absent for way too long, sorry, guys. Just overwhelmed with work stuff. Hopelessly behind on PMs and posts—so sorry. Will try harder. I sure miss my pals.
Reaching out tonight for support. Trying to stay outta the hospital. Quite tragically, just today was detonated upon by almost certainly the single most crushing and soul-destroying betrayal of my entire life. For sure. That is saying something for a man who has been cheated on so many times that it is almost comical. Today’s experience has absolutely zero to do with my old trauma. No, what this is about basically is that this person and I had agreed to work and relate to each other in some quite proscribed, specific ways discussed at length over multiple chats and they then decided for some reason that they really didn’t need to meet a very minimal version of their end of the deal if it wasn’t always super convenient or maybe they just didn’t really feel like it. When I tried gently and in an adult manner to share that their particular communication strategies and dynamics weren’t really working super well for me in an email, they informed me they did not have time to read it. When I texted and said that did not work for me, they told me to back off and cease guilt-tripping them.
So, just beyond devastated and dead. Super super bad SI. Definitely wish I were never born. I ca honestly say, I have now finally and completely given up on many if not most members of the opposite sex. For good. I am just totally done. Will just stay inside and try to take it one hour at a time, I guess. Thanks for the support. Love you guys!!!
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Hiya, my friend! I am so so so happy to see you checking in here. I was also thinking about you very recently, missing seeing you here.
I'm sorry that you have been betrayed to such a horrible degree. It is sometimes difficult to know what people you can really count on. I know that some people we deal with start off with good intentions, but then something flips in their minds (or other things happen). Other times the intentions were never quite solid to begin with. Don't we all wish we really knew this from the start? I think those of us with mental health challenges have a greater need for solid relationships and situations.
This is likely unrelated to your situation, but I remember at the psych hospital always being told not to befriend other patients too deeply. Many ignored this suggestion. I did once, too, and eventually found myself in an extremely uncomfortable position with the person. The relationship ended in a turbulent way because of it. It all goes back to the need for trusting solid relationships. Needing to lean on a cement/brick wall and not a curtain, however beautiful looking the curtain is.
No need to "catch up" on posts here. We are just so happy you're back. We can always just start off again from where we are. The past is over with. Today is a new day.