In high school my bp kicked in and my social life changed forever. Suddenly I could not reads social cues, interpersonal or in a group. Before, I had a good amount of friends. Afterwards, I still had those friends, but I was no longer in with the in crowd, so to speak. My ability to understand and function within groups changed dramatically. Before, I was fairly adept at being in a group, after, I was clueless as to what was going on around me and lived in a kind of cocoon of social ineptitude, but accepted by my old friends.

In college I began experiencing violent mood swings. My ability to read people and groups deteriorated. However, when I was manic I was brilliant, social, etc. Then the depression and anxiety would hit and I'd disappoint people who thought that I was someone else and I couldn't live up to their expectations. This happened with friendships, romantic relationships, and group relationships.

When I began my career after college, I was experiencing euphoria more and more. People would think that I was talented and smart. However, this would not last long. I always thought that I was right and would veer off course and pursue my own agenda. I was superman, invincible and I'd show people the true path. Inevitably, my bosses would realize that I was not doing what I originally said I would, and I'd get demoted or fired. I was also completely tone-deaf to politics, so I stepped on a lot of toes and that cost me promotions, money, and developing sound business friendships.

Now I have a couple of good friends whom I see once in a while (not recently, of course). I am close to my parents and grown children. Even without covid, I hardly ever socialize. Only once a month or so. Anxiety kicks in after spending an hour or so with anyone and I have to leave the situation, so I try to minimize these things. To be honest, I spend so much energy remaining stable that I don't have a lot for anyone else.