This is kind of long but I don't know what I am dealing with here. I cheated on my husband 1 time about 5 yrs. ago. I know I am not a cheater never have been never want to again ( yes I was in a depressed/bipolar/ocd state of mind and no I am not blaming the illnesses but at that time I only knew for sure I had OCD and although I now know it was bipolar as well I wasn't diagnosed then.) I told my husband and he (thank God) forgave me but told me he didn't want any extra "details" so I only told him what he asked me. Throughout the years because of my ocd, bipolar etc. I keep trying to "confess" different things because I feel so guilty and sad cause I realized how much I hurt him. He has told me he doesn't want to hear anymore period! So I keep my mouth shut now I just talk to my Therapist and friends. My problem is with the obsessing....I know I never loved this other person and have come to realize he had been manipulating me ( I was depressed and such and he knew I was married) That isn't my point. Somewhere in my mind (I wasn't focused mind you) I knew this other guy never intended to stay with me and he (the other guy) was the one who actually suggested I go talk with my husband about what ever issues we were having (but of course he didn't want me to mention any of the cheating stuff to my husband but I did anyway!) My problem is I KNOW I truly love my husband with all my heart and would NEVER do that again! If this "other guy" hadn't suggested me talk to my hubby, would I have went off with this other guy, if this other guy gave me the chance to, even though I didn't love him but I didn't realize it then?(Because he was playing on my feelings). And I obsess constantly and worry about this. I realized a little later on from this "incident" I always loved my husband and would do anything for him and my kids. But this whole obsession (the story I told above) is brand new after almost 5 years. I never recall having it before and my husband obviously doesn't want to hear it anymore. Because of my illnesses I keep thinking every "obsession" is real cause I feel so bad about it! Any suggestions? Also I did back then talk to my husband to see if he wanted to divorce me and this was a short bit after the "other guy" was gone. Also I must add I wasn't even around "the other guy" much at all it wasn't like it was along affair or anything it was like a 2 week period and we didn't talk all the time. I also know for sure the "cheating thing" would never have happened had the "other G" not kept persuing me in the 1st place. I know I would Not ever have persued him sick or not! I am sorry if this is not understandable but if you can understand what I wrote what do you think? I suppose my basic question is this......."If this "other guy" hadn't suggested me talk to my hubby, would I have went off with this other guy, if this other guy gave me the chance to, even though I didn't love him but I didn't realize it then?"