Dear mountainstream, I have a feeling that your abusers/narcissists are using a tactict that's quite common with controller types. They have to have their own way all the time, & they blame everything on you, even try to make you feel ashamed of yourself. They accuse you of having negative traits that they themselves actually possess. Maybe they refuse to see themselves being this way, so they may sound indignant, like someone who has a real grievance because of you. I know from experience how this works. It's impossible to deal with this kind of person, especially when they're abusive. I hope you can keep away from those people in your life. I feel sad for you because I know what it's like. Good luck to you & God bless you.