Rough week. I texted T to let her know I'm not doing well. Last week was rough too. It just continued on and on and on. T said she is thinking of me and to stay in touch and let her know what I need. Ugh. I hate that. If I knew what I needed I would do it, or get it, or whatever. But I don't know what I need. Actually I probably need a stint in the hospital but I really don't want to do that. Plus I'm worried I would lose my job. I took three days off last week. One planned. Two not planned but approved before I took them off.


I don't know though. A coworker--my work buddy, the CFO--got let go. The only reason she can think of is because she needed to take time off for personal reasons. Sometimes part way through the day. She had a good review a month ago and then boom she got fired. So now I'm worried about taking leave. Even if I need it. Even though the owner has been really nice to me lately. Even inviting me to come to NY to see them at the other office once COVID is over. So maybe I don't have to worry but I am worried. Plus I miss my buddy. We texted and I got her address so I'm sending her flowers. And a card. And a Starbucks gift card. It's the least I can do.


I really want to go back to a negative habit that I spent a long time trying to break and currently have a year and nine days worth free from. I texted my Pastor's wife who was very emphatic that that was not an option. I kind of took that the wrong way. More like a challenge. So I am trying to change my attitude or I will end up back in the hospital!