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Maven
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Member Since: Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 07:21 AM
 
I'm going to keep this as short as I can, because there's so much going on, you wouldn't believe it. The back story is at least as bad. First, for those who don't know or remember me, I'm almost 53, I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, and I have severe OCD, panic disorder, and depression. I've had psychiatrists and psychologists for almost 43 years, on meds of many kinds that have both helped and hurt, and the few that did help stopped helping as much, or stopped completely.

The foundation of my boyfriend's house collapsed over two years ago. Long story short, his insurance refused to cover the damage and dropped him, I go visit and feed my cats almost everyday (and so does my boyfriend), neighbors have harassed and even threatened my cats and me, and so much more. People tell me to just leave, but I don't have enough money, I don't get enough Social Security disability to cover my OCD needs, let alone anything else. I can't live just anywhere. My sister doesn't think I should leave, and told me I'm in about as good a situation as someone like me can get. I have no one in real life who supports me. I have no real-life friends. Not that she's supportive (very judgmental), but my sister lives in another state, and neither of us can go to see the other. My cats are all I have! [emoji24] Even if I had friends, my cats are No. 1. I've lost so much over the years because of my bf.

Because of my boyfriend, I've lost many precious things, including (but far from limited to) the last photos of my parents and items from my youth, and now the neighbors are trying to take my cats from me! I understand it's cold, and I welcome help, because I don't want them to freeze, but my boyfriend won't even talk to me about it without snapping, "What do you want me to do about it?"

Healthwise, I'm not doing so well. Urinary urge incontince, bowel issues, and bedwetting, stress me out most of the time. Gunk in my eyes from my dry eye syndrome drives me crazy. I'm gaining more weight. This whole pandemic thing is making everything so much worse. I sleep for hours on end, if I'm lucky enough not to pee on myself.

I'm falling asleep, but I've typed more than I meant to as it is. BTW, I've called the Domestic Violence Hotline, the local women's shelter, mental health organizations, and governments resources, and they all said they couldn't help me because of my OCD issues. I don't have time for more years of therapy before I get out of this situation. I want out NOW!

I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep.

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