I wonder how much heartache could be avoided if outside contact expectations were discussed in the beginning? When I initially asked T in an appointment she paused for a moment. I was one of her first clients when she went into private practice. She had worked for a community mental health program so clients went through the receptionists to make contact during business hours.

We had a good conversation on how I used email with long term T. What types of things I normally emailed about. I told her that sometimes emailed in order to get things off my chest and out of my head.

She told me she rarely checks her email so she would need me to text or call. I chose texting. She expressed concerns of having clients message her suicidal statements and her not getting the message quick enough. I told her that I have never and will never express suicidal statements in this manner. She mentioned having a couple of clients at her old job that contacted her office daily and often multiple times a day. She woul be unable to keep up with something like that. I told her if I ever did that to call me on it because there would likely be something bigger going on.. I told her I worried about being too much for her or being to needy. She also reassured me that if it was ever to much we would have a discussion before it becomes an issue. She also mentioned she is not great at checking her phone. She expressed appreciation for allowing her to process through this as it was new for her. She felt comfortable allowing me outside contact.
Since Covid started, she tells me at the end of every appointment to text her if I need her support.

Ling term T and I did not discuss it. She repeatedly told me to email her and that if it became an issue. At one point near the end, shentiomed that she felt she had let me down because she hadn't helped me to learn to deal with issues without needing so much support (not her wording). She thought we should cut back some. She repeatedly said I had done nothing wrong, not to stop contacting her but cut it back. Try some of my other coping skills first and then email her and she would likely ask what types of things I had tried so she could understand where I was. It hurt but we discussed it at depth.