Spotting the manic creator in the wrought language and cadence is a brilliant observation Cheshire, salute. If it weren't for the drive of desperation like ugency to communicate, to contact, to be part of more than my own life, I'm sure I wouldn't bother to write as the labour it is to keep thoughts seperate from eachother feels so overwhelming and, in the end, futile.

Yes this state makes passivity problematic alright. Sleeping is passive, and I practiacally lose all use for it. That is a big one for me to watch. So far, I'm doin ok with staying put and sleeping. I'm getting about six hours of sleep after knocking my self out with Kava and Sleepy Time tea. But as soon as my eyes flutter from sleep, it's like I'm waiting right there for my self, all happy to see me. lol

I'm finding performing to hold some fantastic keys for me artistically. My goal in art is to get someone to stop everything for a moment and simply 'be' with me, and however many people may be present. By using music, I do that with out logic, without persuasion, convincing, selling the idea, arguing, etc. What surprised about the transaction is the transcendance that happens. I'm a shy person. I get a curious tremble or tremor that is very visible whenever i'm even talking about something that matters to my heart. And initially, anytime I would try to play and sing a song for someone, it would anihilate me. Then one day, I "became" the character in the song, I disappeared, no shaking, the song was magic, and the room stopped. Instant addiction.

Ramble ramble rambe

It's what I love about your poems, you create that full stop i'm talking about. To begin one of your poems, is to surrender myself into your care. You consistently reward that surrender with a most intoxicating round trip through some slice of the world thru your eyes. It's like being lifted into the air by a kite, but trusting utterly to be set back down gently.

So true how it doesn't matter as far as clearing the bar. It's the process itself in the end. It's a special thrill to share an AHA moment with another human being though isn't it? Maybe that's the drive.