Recently I had another talk with my older brother and HIS grieving consists of his memories of things he witnessed when my parents came home from the club they belonged to drunk. He talked about one night that it was so bad he was VERY frightened. Last time I called him he was in such a bad mood, I thought maybe I was bothering him and it made me question "am I being an inconvenience?" Then I talked to him the next day and he shared that he got in an arguement with his boss and his boss is an alcoholic. He talked about happiness is a choice and that even though he had a terrible day he did not bring that problem into his own relationship. He doesn't remember how he sounded when I called him. Once he shared with me things he experienced with our parents that frightened him, I think when he deals with his boss when he drinks and gets hard to interact with it triggers him.

I posted in someone's thread about grieving and how it's hard to know what to say sometimes. I talked about how I never got involved with Facebook and that I am a very private person. What I didn't share is one of the reasons I don't and want to be private is because I don't want people who had problems with alcohol and drugs to know anything about me. My husband engages facebook and one day he located someone from my past, an old boyfriend that I was so in love with but he loved his drugs/alcohol the most. And this guy shared his years sober and how he was grateful to those who helped him because he was very addicted. A part of me was happy for him that he got help, yet, there is that other part that really suffered because of his commitment to engaging and how unhealthy that was for me. They don't see themselves as ABUSERS, instead they tend to see themselves as VICTIMS. They don't SEE the narcissistic abusive behavior patterns that exists in their problem either. They don't SEE what it does to others who ARE true VICTIMS OF ABUSE. They are not on the RECEIVING END of THEIR PROBLEM.

Truth? and HONESTY? Oh they may preach it but THE ARE NOT BEING HONEST!!. It's NEVER their fault either is it? In a relationship where the affects of the alcohol or whatever drug hurts a partner that is a form of being CHEATED ON. Oh, maybe it's not with another person HOWEVER it's still a relationship that DAMAGES as it's cheating with the alcohol or drugs or both.

All my life I have been on the receiving end of how people that drink BEHAVE BADLY. And they are ENABLED by others "oh, you don't drink that much, oh you are not a bad person" etc. I sit and listen to my brother when he shares even though it's hard to hear. Why? Because he has EVERY RIGHT to talk about how he was HURT AND ABUSED.

Recently I read an article about how Jamie Lee Curtis just celebrated 22 years of sobriety and one thing she said that stuck with me is how "she was at war with herself" while she was active in the drinking. I sat and thought about that statement a lot. And the truth is that given the way alcohol affects the brain and how someone uses it to cope, all it does is create this ongoing war with self. It's not coping either, instead it's an effort to escape. For anyone that SUFFERED because of this challenged relationship with SELF, the last thing you want to see is someone saying "It's ok, you can drink" when you have suffered the LOSS or consequences of what it's like to engage with that kind of individual. When someone is at war with self like this, there is no room for a HEALTHY relationship because it's mostly all about the person who is at war with self. So, in reality THAT is why this problem has so many narcissistic behavior patterns. And there IS a trail of broken relationships and resentments. And often "this person failed me" comments. No, it's never the problem drinkers fault or the poor decisions they made that put them in the position in the first place. This is discussed in different articles including the one I am going to post a link to today. What is good about THIS article is how it discusses even more about how alcohol consumption affects the brain. And THAT is what my older brother witnessed that frightened him so badly. He has brought that experience up more than once. I never let him know he already told me either, it's clear to me he needs to share it and finally get comforted for how it deeply affected him. He deserves to be able to grieve his own losses.

Here is the newest article: There are other articles that provide important information so any reader will LEARN why it's important not to enable someone who is engaging and sharing the problems they experience as a result. You are NOT helping someone who has a problem by enabling that person. And for anyone who is following that has a problem, please get help as you are only in denial and you need to get real help. You are NEVER going to solve your ongoing battle through using alcohol. Make the decision that you deserve better and get help.

Drinking Alcohol and The Risk of Violence | Alcohol.org