Hello...I'm so sorry you are going through this. My experience with death is not as traumatic as your scenario but it happened with my husband a few months ago. He had a massive heart attack right in my arms. I had to lay him down on the floor as he couldn't stand anymore and on the way down, his body just went limp. I knew he was gone.

Grief is so hard and I don't think people talk enough about it enough. I find that the more I talk, the more healing can take place. I have flashbacks of it all the time. So much so that I am now afraid of leaving my house because I have no control of my emotions. I don't know how people just move on. I hope you have supportive people around you. There is no timeline for us on when it will stop or get better. Grief is a very individual process and we all do it at a different pace. Your post sounds so tragic and I can relate to the waiting for help you went through and it feeling like time froze for me. What was only minutes felt like forever until they arrived.

I wish I had some helpful words for you. I wish you peace and blessings as you try to repair yourself from this tragedy. Keep talking about it, as much as you are comfortable and that will help you begin to heal. I don't know if you have thought about finding any counseling, that may help too.
For now, just....Peace.