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Lonesome Soul
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Lonesome Soul Stuck in survival mode.
 
Member Since: Feb 2021
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 9
3 yr Member
Default Feb 06, 2021 at 03:55 AM
 
I think your description of a wall is a good one, @wolftrap. I can definitely relate to that. So often in life I've felt like the things I've wanted or needed were just out of my reach. Almost more like a window than a wall: I can see the thing I want, I just can't figure out how to get it. Other times, I guess it feels more like being lost in a fog; I can see spots of light and hear voices calling to me, but I just can't find my way to them.

More than anything though, it just feels like life and the world is going on without me. I see old friends from college who have gone on to good careers with a home and a family of their own, and I wish I could be there with them. Colleagues of mine that I've worked with in the past who have found success and are moving on, and I'm still stuck in the same dead-end space. It feels like I'm a ghost of the past, haunting the present, rattling my chains and breaking dishes against walls, trying desperately to break free and be heard - all to no avail.

I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until about two years ago, when I was well into my 40s, but I've always known something was amiss. I struggled so much in school, always the last one to finish my tests and barely getting through my assignments. Socially I've always struggled too, misreading people and not understanding how to connect with them in the right way. I was hoping so much that getting the diagnosis would help me find a "magic bullet" pill that would just transform me - but the meds I took didn't help me at all, they just messed with my sleep patterns. So I am doing therapy and trying my best to learn how to cope, and maybe one day I will find a doctor who knows the right medical solution for what I need.

In the meantime, thank God for this site!!!
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Raindropvampire, SearchingforMe, wolftrap
 
Thanks for this!
imchet, wolftrap