Quote:
Originally Posted by CF20
My husband and I have been married 6 years we have a toddler. He has been dealing with anxiety and depression for almost 10 years since his dad passed away. The depression got worse when I was pregnant (he did not want a baby and blames me for getting pregnant, although he loves our child now). We had a huge fight today over his spending and he said he wanted a divorce. He blames me for “making” him quit his old job 8 years ago to move to a city where he can’t find a job. He currently works in retail. I make significantly more at and I wouldn’t be able to find a similar job if we went back to his old city. Even if we did, both of us working wouldn’t make as much as I do now. I know he is going through a depressive period right now but he doesn’t want to get help. He basically blames me for most things that have gone wrong with his life and resents me. I resent him for always making me the grown-up and for basically making me feel terrible when I was pregnant when I always thought he would be a supportive partner. Hopefully someone has some insight into what could be going on with him. Is this the depression talking? I want to help him, but I also don’t want to spend my life being blamed for someone’s unhappy life. If he would be happier without me, then we should separate.
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Hello, @
CF20. I am sorry for what you are going through. There are few things more frustrating and heartbreaking than being in a relationship with someone who won't get help for their issues. Your husband sounds like there's a lot going on with him, besides just being depressed. I can relate because I am in a number of ways going through a similar scenario with my wife: won't take ownership for her feelings, blames others for her circumstances, directs all of her bitterness and anger toward the one person who is trying to help her (me.)
We can't control what our partners do. We can only control what we do. Even though you want to help your husband, he needs to want to help himself. The resentment he feels toward you is toxic, and even though you say he's going through a "depressive period right now," it sounds as though his issues have been long standing, dating back at least ten years (or maybe longer. How long did you know him before you got married?)
As hard as it is, separation might be the best thing, at least to get some perspective. I pray you find the peace that you and your family deserve.