Mountaindewed, based on past posts and your most recent posts, it sounds like you need to have medications of abuse removed from your medication cabinet. An advantage of IP is that there you can have them removed much faster and safer, with close monitoring from hospital staff. It also signals that you mean business. Though I know the prospect of losing such meds (like Xanax) is frightening, you wouldn't be in any different situation than a person needing to stop heroine, crack cocaine, or alcohol. For sure losing such "crutches" is extraordinarily challenging, but it must be done for many. It does/can get done. To replace such dangerous crutches, coping skills have to be mastered and support becomes crucial. If a place like this (My Support Forums) isn't fully enough (seeming isn't), then perhaps a 12-Step group might help, as an add-on. Most are now conducted online, and some were even before the covid pandemic.

When you continue putting your life/wellness at risk abusing drugs, what are we supposed to keep writing, but get proper help. Frequent commiseration and encouragement doesn't do it! There comes a time when enough is enough with that. You must take action. You! There is a slang phrase that goes "S*** or get off the pot." I won't apologize for being forthright. I know what I'm talking about on this topic. Addicts/abusers must also often leave behind enablers and triggers. You might want to think who/what might be such people/things. For example, does your therapist help or hurt? If she doesn't help, find a new one already. Such a topic can be addressed during inpatient therapy. Inpatient social workers can help you make changes (i.e. get a new therapist/psychiatrist or hone coping skills).