Struggling severely. Basically just trying to survive at this point. During work I was so upset and the only thing I could think to do was write. So I grabbed some paper from the closet and just wrote. After a couple of hours I finally calmed down enough. I didn’t turn in my one to one log or do the work I’m supposed to do. I will apologize to my teacher. My supervisor won’t notice the missing log right away.

My brain is telling me to do terrible things but I keep beating in back. In a way, it’s actually protecting me by giving me visions of the one thing I cannot do because I do not have access. I’m getting that itchy feeling on my arms. That’s why I got the forearm tattoos though, of course. Can’t ruin expensive art.