Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereto52
The last time I was at my grandparents house during christmas I tried to focus on my breathing and to look for any tension in my muscles but it was hard to focus on anything in that moment.
My brain was so fuzzy that I couldn't even follow the conversation at all. This was the first time I talked to other people outside of my friend group again since corona started.
I know of this muscle tension thingy(sry, forgot what its name was) but never find time to actually do the excercises for it. My day is already packed with so many things.
Do you know of one that I could easily apply during a conversation without appearing wierd?
University is much the same. My first semester was at the beginning of the corona restrictions which isn't that bad because now I don't have to worry about making friends or making conversation with other students. But at the same time it is bad for me. I really need the "training" and the certain amount of time being around people or else my anxiety is up again in no time.
I mean, I live with my brother but it is not the same as with living someone outside of the family so yeah.
I know that there is usually more to a person than being able to socialise but having a connection with someone or a good social life is actually the thing that makes me most happy.
It is not like I don't have any other interests or can't be on my own. It is just frustrating for me to feel a bit isolated and different from others. I never really found people I could connect with without changing my whole behaviour or self. So many friendships I have now are pretty hollow. Or were toxic. Had a few of those relationships too.
And on the other side I still got to learn to accept myself and figure myself out.
Until I was 20 y/o I did not have any goal in life because of depressive episodes and anxiety since I was 7 y/o. So I got a lot of catching up to do and a lot of work on self esteem.
|
Sorry for my delay in replying, surely I didn’t notice your reply. Or arrived in a moment I was low and empty of arguments and energy to talk.
I don’t know any technique to a quick relax while you are keeping a conversation. The exercises I was taught were supposed to achieve this capability with time and a lot of practise but I didn’t get so far with it, other than breathing. It helps.
There must be techniques explained on the net, we could look for them.
Another possibility is to learn and practise Mindfulness. it helps you focus on the conversation with practise and you can practise during any kind of activity. There’s a formal practise, like meditation ( 20 minutes or so) where you focus on yourself but there’s also a non-formal practise ( I don’t know how to call it properly) that consists on practising focus or being aware of the task you are doing, and you can practise in any moment while doing any activity.
I wrote this to explain to a friend about what mindfulness was about.
Maybe you find it helpful.
MINDFULNESS
Mindfulness is a practise in Buddhism practised by Buddhists for centuries. It means two main concepts: Being present with all your senses in the now, whatever you are doing at that moment, ex; in the conversation with a person, in the trip to the factory you are working in, in the meal you are eating, the drink you are drinking, your breath and body when you are in a training practice.
It lays on the idea of focussing on a single task, a single stimuli to enjoy it at its fulness. No matter if a distraction arises (a thought that comes about whatever... it’s normal, but you again come back to the object of your attention. No matter how many times you get distracted. It’s normal. Don’t judge it as positive or negative because it’s none of these. It’s normal. You come back to your focus because it’s the right way to put your mind at ease and train your brain. So we arrive to the second main meaning of mindfulness, that is, no judging. If you get distracted by something else, it doesn’t matter, your mind is doing what it is for: Creating thoughts. If feelings of grief arises, no matters...it’s a normal feeling we all face to from time to time. Accept how you feel and accept this feel of thought. Don’t fight against it. Accept it and go back to focus yourself on what you were doing. You will see as that feeling doesn’t grow up.
We can begin by practicing mindfulness in two situations.
Tomorrow, at your breakfast, enjoy each instant of the meal. Focus on your meal only. It’s taste, it’s texture...with anything else. You and the meal you are eating. Chew slowly, as slower as you can and notice the favour. No TV, no radio, no anything else but you and that meal.
Then, you can make also a practice when you go to sleep. Don’t try to repeat any phrasal. No. Drive your mind into blank. This is your objective. Your mind empty of thoughts. Will it be possible? Sure, it won’t. Many thoughts are gonna arrive to your mind. Some of them, stupid as hell. Don’t worry. Accept these thoughts and let them go past your mind. Say hello to them and goodbye. Don’t engage with them. But, if you engage with them for some instants, it doesn’t matter, let them go and let them go when you get it. You will see how they disappear and your mind get peace again or another thought appears, in that case, you say hello and goodbye again. Try to not engaging with it.
If you see it easier, you can focus on your breath along this process, so each time you get engage with a thought and you notice it, accept it and return to your breath.