It's 4 AM. I have been awake since 3 AM. Peri-menopause is killing me.

And I'm crying. I should never have gotten married. The dissolution of my marriage has me very distraught right now. I was at my sister's home yesterday with her fiance. It was upsetting to be around them, all happy and content together. I've been lucky in that I haven't had to be around other couples at all for the last two months of my separation except for my parents.

I am also disgusted by my husband. He is despicable. I've caught onto all his manipulations over the last 2 months, and I see what a true dirtbag he is. In nearly every interaction we've had, he's been a manipulative liar. He also now claims that he was "shocked" to hear the divorce agreement was written as though he is filing for divorce! I know FULL WELL that this was HIS doing! He organized it this way... he lives with his lawyer for crying out loud. And he pretended as though he hadn't seen the agreement himself - BS!

I can't believe I didn't see the manipulations and lies while we were together. He manipulated me the WHOLE time, which makes me feel like a total FOOL.

This also makes me not trust my judgement whatsoever. I have lost faith in myself to judge people accurately.