Oh my goodness. It seems like part of the problem here is your husband was diagnosed with Autism later in life. However, that's not your fault. Things like this happen. I myself am also Autistic but high functioning and was diagnosed around the age of four. My best advice is to work with him. Regardless of where a person is on the spectrum, many Autistics tend to get used to a routine. Myself included. I also suggest perhaps going to a marriage counselor even if it's virtual. Sometimes, it's best to get an outside opinion.