Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2
The way you describe your T as being distant and stiff and not responding to you as you needed in moments of vulnerability, and that when you bring up stuff it goes badly, is pretty much the same as how my T was in my last 8-9 sessions with her, I tried to fix it with her, but couldn’t. My therapy had been fabulous with her, it helped me so much while I was seeing her. It was a terrible ending, left me in a terrible state. I look back and can’t figure out what I could have done differently. I think the ending is so important - particularly if you’ve been seeing someone as long as you have. Would you consider bringing in a consultant T to help you both sort this out?
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I’m so sorry this happened to you too.
It’s never occurred to me to bring someone in to help us out. Is that a thing?
I can’t imagine that there’s anything you could have done differently. That really stood out for me here. That sounds like the kind of thing a parent says about their child (“how could I have missed that she was high all the time?”) not something a client says about their therapy relationship. You say that when you’re the person in the more powerful, responsible role.
But I’ve been feeling that way too: what have I done wrong? How have I messed up? I sent her an email apologizing for having been too blaming toward her recently. I meant it when I wrote it and no doubt I was too blaming.
But if you’d told me last year at this time (OMG I could start many sentences that way lol) that I’d be so abjectly apologetic toward T in an unconscious effort to get her to like me again because she’d been so offended or overwhelmed that I had not been entirely fair in expressing anger toward her? I would absolutely not have believed you. I would have said that I felt secure enough in the relationship and that her ego was so clearly strong enough that such a thing would never be necessary.
And yet here we are.