I know that my husband & I have been basically separated since 1995......things just didn't work out financially to get the divorce. The fighting was intense....& I felt as though I was pushed to the point of rage....I can relate to "seeing red".

We have been together for alsmost 33 years.....we were never together mentally. It was just a conveniece thing with a 2 engineering career income, we could buy things we wanted & live in a life style that was beyond just 1 person....unfortunately, that was part of the problem....he believed in spending more than he had & it was easy to get caught up in that thinking.

My Mother was the one that kept telling me to hang in there & he really wasn't that bad.....just before we got married when I decided not to, she kept telling me that he was a good person & would "grow up".....he never did.

Strange, but when she died, I sold her house & was able to buy my farm in Kentucky & leave. I can honestly say that I have never been more peaceful or happy than I an away from him....realizing that I really never did love him & he never really loved me or he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. He is a good person....he doesn't do bad things...doesn't drink, gamble, cheat.....he was always there when I was in the hospital & would take care of my the doggies & horses when necessary.....so why would I want to divorce such a wonderful person????

He refuses to communicate. He always thought he could do, spend....etc....without ever saying a word. He couldn't handle any business situation & would leave things slide....never getting anything accomplished & would never tell me that the things even existed that were needing to be taken care of....the final straw was the IRS letter for back taxes he just didn't say anything about until I got a certified letter from them.

Without respect, one can never have a relationship & I believe that you can't truely love someone without respecting them.

I gave him chance after chance & nothing...so the divorce was going to happen as soon as we sold the California house.....but now, house values have gone down so low.....we would get nothing out of the house......what point is there to hurt myself just to get the divorce. I am here & he is there & I am in control of the bills & the finances finally......so I will continue biding my time until the value of property goes up again.....some years down the road???? Then I will get the divorce......but at least now I don't HAVE to live under the same roof. The peace of not being around him has changed my life & has allowed me to find my Christianity that had slid far into the cracks. I can enjoy life again.....what a difference it makes.

You can do it under the same roof if there is no violence or anger.....but when that is there, living under the same roof just keeps the pain going.....I can see the difference for sure.

Best wishes,
Debbie